[[kokakola|Elevator goooing up]]\\
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Ground floor Shoppers' Paradise\\
habit-dashery, needles, spoons and knives\\
knuckle-dusters, glass jaws and wooden hearts\\
Spend your money girls on sprays and lipsticks\\
tested on bunnies, girls, strays and misfits\\
ozone friendly rape alarms\\
for those blinding dates\\
another summer of hate\\
\\
It's the top shop for the tired and rundown\\
going up for the final comedown\\
First and second floors, third and fourth world wars\\
We've got a free pair of flares\\
with every hip replacement\\
just take the stairs to the bargain basement\\
[[Babies bottles full of the milk of human kind nestle]]\\
\\
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls\\
the big shop is open it's a wonderful world\\
\\
Top floor Shoppers' Paradise\\
we've got a drunk Father Christmas and The Antichrist\\
We've got nothing of value so there's no V.A.T.\\
[[we're going S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.]]\\
We take Visa, Access, American Express\\
patched-up, hand-me-down, second to next best\\
clothes for all ages, mothers and babies\\
\\
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls\\
the big shop is open it's a wonderful world\\
\\
Going down for all the things you missed\\
all the love. peace and happiness that don't exist\\
We've got enpsychopaedias we've got [[pic 'n' fix]]\\
a government freezer full of benefits\\
A children's assortment we're bigger than Hamleys\\
We've got Cabbage Patch orphans from Sylvanian Famllies\\
[[shoppersmillionpound|"I'd like to have a million pounds"]]\\
Carpets, linoleum, holy petroleum,\\
Chemi-kaze killers, little Hitlers and Napoleons\\
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls\\
the big shop is open and the world\\
is wonderful\\
\\
[[alfie|Ya' know what?]]\\
[[alfie|I used to think money was everything]]\\
[[alfie|If you've got money I used to say you could have beautiful birds, handsome suits, a car of your own]]\\
[[alfie|but those things aren't a bit of use without your good health]]\\
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Shoplifters will be prosecuted, hung, drawn, quartered and then executed.\\
Armageddon come and meet your maker, it's 3 steps to Heaven on the escalator.\\
Signing his good book in hardback and in paperback\\
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End lyrics courtesy of Jim Bob's memory as they don't appear anywhere else \\
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I might be well wrong here but, IIRC, Woolworth's Stores used to have an Argos/Index-type section called Shoppers' Paradise, although as I am actually typing this I am doubting myself. Am I right or is my memory a bunch of arse?\\
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Christmas Shoppers' Paradise features a newsreader saying "In Oxford Street the Christmas shopping rush has begun" instead of [[kokakola|"Elevator goooing up"]]\\
I'm sure that there is more bells in this version and has a extended newsreader sample at the end\\