Title is a parody of "24 Hours From Tulsa - Gene Pitney"\\
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[[Sound of train stations being read out...]]\\
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If your conscience fails you we can be your guide\\
The runaway train will take you for a ride\\
It's an '88 special with automatic doors\\
[[Johnny Guitar]], tell 'em where it goes\\
Down the tracks like a thunderstorm\\
past the house where I was born\\
Guaranteed and bonafide, a genuine white knuckle ride\\
We've got smackheads, crackheads, pensioners, pimps,\\
[[anonymous alcoholics]] looking for a drink\\
So put your feet up, enjoy the show\\
Twenty four minutes from Tulse Hill let's go\\
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We've got [[yardies]], [[steamers]], parasitic cops\\
[[Bostik boys]] playing chicken in the box,\\
jackpot crackpots, [[Summerstown blues]]\\
nineteen nervous wrecking crews\\
Mad alsatians, [[pit-bull terrorists]],\\
hammerheaded loan sharks trying out for [[Jaws 6]]\\
[[BMX bandits]] breaking all the windows,\\
[[you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows]]\\
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Twenty four minutes from Tulse Hill\\
the driver's dressed in black\\
He's dead on the dead man's handle\\
and we ain't coming back\\
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We're going down the tracks and off the page\\
past the dole, [[The Silver Blades]]\\
Through the flats to the seventh floor\\
along the walkway to your front door\\
Up the staircase, down the hall\\
where daddy bangs you against the wall\\
and beats your brains in with a tablespoon\\
[[AWOPBOPALOOBOPALOPBAMBOOM]] !\\
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[[Calling all cars, calling all cars]]\\
check all the pubs and raid all the bars\\
Bring in the rapists, the muggers and thieves\\
make it safe for the OAP's\\
House the homeless boys and girls\\
[[save the children]], [[feed the world]]\\
Then put your feet up, [[mind the gap]]\\
and take it right back to the track [[Fruitbat]]\\
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Twenty four minutes from Tulse Hill\\
the driver's dressed in black\\
He's dead on the dead man's handle\\
and we ain't coming back\\
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We're going down the tracks and on ahead\\
where skins and [[angels fear to tread]]\\
Up the chimneys, down the drains\\
through the eyes of hurricanes\\
From the brothels of Streatham,\\
[[to the taking of Peckham]]\\
fun, fun, fun,\\
Here we come!\\
[[Lead out sample]] \\