Carter USM

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Sheriff Fatman started out in business\\
as a granny farmer\\
he was [[infamous for fifteen minutes]]\\
and he appeared in [[Panorama]]\\
Then he somehow got himself on board\\
The [[Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme]]\\
With a Prince of Wales award\\
for pushing valium and amphetamines\\
\\
Now he's moving up onto second base\\
behind [[Nicholas Van Wotsisface]]\\
At six foot six and a hundred tons\\
the undisputed [[king of the slums]]\\
With more alias' than [[Klaus Barbie]]\\
the master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea\\
Just about to take the stage\\
the one and only\\
hold the front page\\
\\
Fatman's got something to sell\\
to the capital's homeless\\
At The [[Crossroads Motel]]\\
for the no-fixed-abodeless\\
Where you can live life in style\\
you can sleep in a closet\\
And if you flash him a smile\\
he'll take your teeth as deposit\\
There's bats in the belfry\\
the windows are jammed\\
The toilets ain't healthy\\
and he don't give a damn\\
he just chuckles and smiles\\
and laughs like a madman,\\
a born again [[Rachman]]\\
Here comes Sheriff Fatman\\
With his valium, amphetamines\\
his sick notes and his phoney prescriptions\\
[[And just when you thought it was safe]]\\
to go back into the kitchen, Dead legs and cracked heads\\
Bunk-beds and breakfasts\\
Wake up you sleepy headcases . . . \\
check this . . .\\
\\
Moving up now to take the place\\
of Nicholas Van Wotsisface\\
At six foot six and a hundred tons\\
the undisputed king of the slums\\
With more alias' than Klaus Barbie\\
the master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea\\
[[In a hatchback from Notre Dame]],\\
the one and only Sheriff Fatman\\
In goes another left hook\\
and now I'm losing my patience\\
Someone call up [[Roger Cook]] and The United Nations\\
he's buying up houses for hasbeens (help me)\\
From Lands End to Southend and Chelsea\\
There's bats in the belfrey\\
the windows are jammed\\
The toilets ain't healthy\\
he don't give a damn\\
He just chuckles and smiles\\
and laughs like a madman\\
Ladies and gentlemen,\\
I give you . . .\\
SHERIFF FATMAN!\\